I found out I was pregnant in April 2011. My husband and I were so happy. I was beyond excited and walked around with a secret smile on my face. We told our parents and I told my very close friends. My husband was going to be away for a lot of the pregnancy but we were glad he would be back for the birth.
In July at 13 weeks pregnant I went for my first scan; as my husband was away I had gone with my parents. It didn’t take long for the sonographer to tell me that there was no heartbeat. I was suffering a miscarriage. It was absolutely devastating and especially difficult as my husband was 8,000 miles away. I saw a nurse and was reassured that this was common and my chances of conceiving again would be good. I had an evacuation of retained products of conception (ERPC) one week later. It is the best decision I made, rather than let nature take its course. Physically I felt an emotional wreck and believed this helped.
Although I felt I had gone through one of the most tragic times of my life I decided after two weeks to go back to work. As the next few months carried on I was convinced things weren’t right. I still hadn’t had a period and began to have hot flushes, night sweats and a racing heart. I found them horrendous. I googled my symptoms and the only thing that came up was the menopause. I didn’t understand, I had just been pregnant. I was very scared and I was only 33.
I eventually went to the doctor after several months. He did some blood tests. When they came back my follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and LH luteinizing hormone (LH) levels were sky high. The doctor explained that the early menopause looked likely. This was now a whole new situation to deal with. I just could not understand what was going on. I endlessly looked things up on the internet. I went to an appointment with my husband to see an endocrinologist who bluntly told me with no compassion that I was going through the menopause. I was told I would not be able to have my own children due to my poor egg quality. I felt speechless and as we left the room. I was so upset a nurse had to take me to a room to calm down. I immediately felt my femininity stripped from me. To have my fertility put in jeopardy was not something I had ever thought of when I got married. I had always wanted a family.
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