"...it was important to consider the health, psychological and financial implications in the decision. As an interracial couple we want a  sperm donor be a reflection of us, however there is a shortage of sperm donors in the UK, in particular donors that are Black or mixed..."

We are a queer couple living in London at the start of our fertility journey. We have at times felt overwhelmed by the processes of deciding who will carry first, choosing a sperm donor and navigating the healthcare system. As, ideally we’d both like to carry a child it was important to consider the health, psychological and financial implications in the decision. As an interracial couple we want a  sperm donor be a reflection of us, however there is a shortage of sperm donors in the UK, in particular donors that are Black or mixed.

From the outset, we’ve experienced discrimination in NHS England Fertility policy. In the borough where we live, as a same-sex couple, we are not entitled to NHS funded fertility treatment until we self-fund six IUI cycles. Requiring six cycles is unscientific, as clinical research suggests that the likelihood of successful pregnancy after four IUI cycles plateaus, and at that point prospective parents should move to alternatives like IVF. It also represents a massive financial burden as we could end up paying a minimum of £15,000 for six cycles before accessing NHS treatment. This has only added to the anxiety we have felt starting this process. NICE needs to reform these discriminatory policies that require us to  “demonstrate infertility” and pay out of pocket for treatment that is free for cis-heterosexual couples.
 
Our GP at Springhill Practice in Stamford Hill, London was fantastic, she double checked the policy for the borough for us and shared our outrage at our exclusion from comprehensive NHS healthcare. She referred us for the full suite of fertility testing that we are currently entitled to under the NHS policy.  It was encouraging for us that there are healthcare practitioners who do the best they can to provide as comprehensive care as possible within discriminatory policy requirements, and understand the injustice and importance of reforming the policy.
 
Within the private provision of fertility care, there seems to be incongruence regarding LGBTQI+ inclusion between the front-facing client-care team and the clinical staff. When we visited private clinics, we asked specifically about LGBTQI+ inclusion, particularly around how they will ensure that my non-binary identity will be treated. Front-facing staff were quick to comfort, saying that they have robust LGBTQI+ inclusion policies and all the clinical staff will be briefed to ensure that I’m not misgendered. However, once we actually attended our first consultation with clinical staff, it was evident that they hadn’t been briefed at all or that they had ignored/forgotten. We received a report letter from the consultant that referred to me incorrectly as she/her throughout. With such a huge medical and life change as pregnancy and childbirth, our priority is having a healthy baby. Our anxiety is compounded by the appalling statistics on black maternal health in this country, and anxiety over my wife’s potential experience as a black woman within UK maternal health care. Our awareness of only having a finite amount of energy and capacity for self-advocacy, combined huge considerations of overall baby and parent health in a system that systemically fails black women and pregnant people, has meant I have made the self-diminishing choice to de-prioritise my gender in our fertility journey.
 

The impact of these intersections of discrimination on our mental health in this process are huge. We are really grateful for the space that Fertility Network UK provides for LGBTQ+ people to come together in mutual support as we navigate this life-transforming experience.