‘It is impossible to talk about a fertility journey without considering your employer’

I am very lucky that after five years which included six rounds of Clomid, eleven rounds of IVF, fourteen embryos and four miscarriages, we did get our miracle baby boy. Now four years down the line we are still trying to complete our family. I have had another nine rounds of IVF and three more miscarriages.

When I look back, I realise this has been a full-time job that has needed a massive amount of physical and emotional energy. Throughout this time, I have also worked full time, so I know it is impossible to talk about a fertility journey without considering your employer.

I was determined not to put my career on hold, and when everything was failing, my career was something I could control, but I spend far too much time worrying about whether to go for a job in case I have to go on maternity leave.

Being upfront about fertility treatment

With all my workplaces (three in ten years), I have been upfront about what I was going through. I know this is incredibly hard for some people, but for me it was impossible to go through years of juggling without telling anyone.

It is a difficult conversation to have, but it takes out a massive part of the stress that you just don’t need at this time. I am lucky as I can work from home and am in control of my own diary. I had to be upfront and honest with my workplace in order to be able to do this.

Understanding fertility

I think the biggest problem employers face is they can’t possibly understand the mammoth task of having fertility treatment. It’s not only the time it takes, but also the importance of timing. You can’t plan for most of it, especially with a fresh cycle, and things can change at the last minute. There are so many unknowns and so many opportunities for things to go wrong.

Why a fertility and miscarriage policy matters

I am now working at a bigger business and for the first time, I recognise the need for a business to have a fertility policy in place. Although I think workplaces need to be flexible and treat each person as an individual, having something solid in place lays out the expectations on both sides. It also makes it easier for someone going through treatment to feel they can broach the topic and have some kind of back up.

There also needs to be a policy in place around miscarriage. I have had seven miscarriages and I have only taken two or three days off in total over the years to deal with this. Usually that was only when I had to have an intervention, as then it’s almost impossible to be working. This is partly my personality but also because, despite working at organisations where there was a lot of understanding about my circumstances, I have never felt that I could say I need leave.

When it’s happening multiple times, how can you say: ‘I need two weeks off again’. But really this is what is needed. If a company has recognised this and put something in place to support women going through this, it would help soothe some of this pain.

Fertility Network’s Fertility in the Workplace initiative is designed to help employers support employees going through fertility treatment.