‘I’m sorry but you won’t ever father your own child’

#HIMfertility

Carl Shone, 36, on being given bad news in the worst possible way and how peer group support can make all the difference

In February 2018, my wife and I went to the doctors to check our fertility and I was given the worst news: there was no sperm in my sample. The stand-in GP very bluntly said: ‘Well, that’s the result. I’m sorry but you won’t ever father your own child,’ and that was it. I walked out thinking: ‘Wow, how do I tell my wife this news?’

This was my very first experience to do with male fertility and sadly many men out there have the same experience when going to see their GP. Fortunately, my wife’s GP knew a little more about fertility then my stand-in GP did, and they referred us to a fertility clinic.

The benefits of peer support

At the start of 2019, my wife and I also found Fertility Network and their face-to-face support groups. Peer support groups really helped: we knew we weren’t alone; we knew that thousands were going through the same thing. Our local group, which kept on growing with more people attending, became a great group of friends who would support people anytime and give encouragement when having treatment. It was a huge blow when COVID hit, but we adjusted to online video calls and kept the group going from our own homes.

The need for a male-only support group

I was in contact with the leader from our group, Liz, and she asked if we should have a male-only group. I thought it was a great idea and Liz put me in touch with Ian Stones and Toby Trice who were on the case getting a male group set up. It went live during the first lockdown and has been and still is very successful.

A first IVF cycle

Now let me go back to our journey: we were lucky and could access an NHS-funded IVF cycle; we were told ICSI was the right cycle for our needs. After 12 months of appointments, in December 2020 I had a sperm retrieval (remember the GP said I would never be able to father my own child), which was a success, and my wife had her egg retrieval. From 10 fertilised eggs we were left with just 1 embryo which made a blastocyst graded at 5bb.

Then for the two-week wait: to ours and I think the clinic’s surprise we had a positive pregnant result: it was a miracle. It’s now September 15th as I write this blog: my wife is 37 weeks’ pregnant, our baby is healthy and we are awaiting her arrival.

I know for many this may sound like a so-called perfect IVF, but to get here has been hard and we have had ups and downs. But, please, men and women, if in doubt talk to someone and always think positive: the doctors, scientists and nurses out there are really making dreams come true.

NFAW2021 #HIMfertility