Compared with others, our experience is not that easy, it’s difficult. However, we will let it go because we need to continue with our life.
Reaching acceptance takes time and many people sustain a strong hope to have (more) children and feel unwilling or unable to accept their situation for a long time. Indeed, many women only relinquish their desire for children when they reach menopause. Some people differentiate between rational and emotional acceptance, stating that although they acknowledge they will not become parents, this does not bring emotional acceptance, as their pain remains unchanged.
In fact, acceptance is not about not experiencing pain but about learning to live with a pain that will likely never fully disappear but can certainly diminish. In other words, acceptance is a willingness to experience one’s current situation without avoidance or struggle, including
- tolerating the emotional pain caused by grief;
- not avoiding situations that may trigger such pain;
- addressing fears related with the prospect of not realising one’s desire for children (for instance, can our marriage survive without children?);
- finding value in other aspects of one’s life.
Frankly speaking, I have learned a lot. For example, why should I feel failure is so painful? There are so many others… what happens to those who suffer from cancer? Those who are disabled but still help others? In this manner, I console myself and then I do not feel so bad.
It is never going to be like everybody else, so why keep holding on? This freedom enabled me to think about doing whatever I want.
How can you develop acceptance? The following three activities may help you do this.
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