Compared with others, our experience is not that easy, it’s difficult. However, we will let it go because we need to continue with our life.
Reaching acceptance takes time and many people sustain a strong hope to have (more) children for a long period of time, which can sometimes go up to their (partner’s) menopause. Some people distinguish rational from emotional acceptance, stating that although they acknowledge they will not become parents, this does not decrease the pain they experience.
In fact, acceptance is not about not experiencing pain. It is a willingness to experience one’s current situation without avoidance or struggle, including
- tolerating the emotional pain caused by loss;
- not avoiding situations that may trigger such pain;
- addressing fears related with the prospect of not realising one’s desire for children (for instance, can our marriage survive without children?);
- finding value in other aspects of one’s life.
Acceptance means recognizing that we may not be able to change or control our current situation, but we can learn how to relate to it in a way that minimizes its negative impact on our lives. We can be in contact with pain and yet not let it stop us from doing what is important to us.
Frankly speaking, I have learned a lot. For example, why should I feel failure is so painful? There are so many others… what happens to those who suffer from cancer? Those who are disabled but still help others? In this manner, I console myself and then I do not feel so bad.
It is never going to be like everybody else, so why keep holding on? This freedom enabled me to think about doing whatever I want.
Back to Task Table
Week 1:Be kind to yourself
Week 8: Bring it all together